Emptiness was my favorite (in India)

Now that I've returned to the US, I may occasionally post things I wrote while in India or about India. This is called, "Emptiness was my favorite."

Annata, or non-self, is what the Buddha taught in regards to existence. Whereas Hinduism affirms the existence of a soul, or Atman, Buddhism's concept of emptiness asserts there is no such thing (this was according to the teacher I studied under, as I read more on this I see it is much more complex than this). According to the Buddha, nothing exists inherently, therefore everything is inherently empty. This concept is suggested by the theory of “dependent arising,” which explains that, a) there is an object, but it does not exist from its own side, b) the object exists in dependence of its parts, and c), the label we give to the object is just a label, and because we label it, we give it meaning. In this case, the “object” in reference can be either a physical object such as a cup or a table, or the concept of the “I." In the case of Buddhism, the label of “I” is often confused with the characteristics and functions of consciousness. In this instance, stories can be made up about this supposed, “I,” compounding the belief that the “I” is some separate entity. Belief in this separate “I” is what Buddhism considers to be the primary cause of suffering.

The Introduction to Buddhism course was the most engaging experience I had while in India, primarily because it challenged me to step outside of my beliefs and examine them. I came to India seeking “god (for lack of a better means of communication---words aren't ideal).” I did this through studying meditation, yoga, and the philosophies encompassing their practices. Without realizing it, my search had taken place while superimposing the concept of the personal, authoritative, and separate-from-me god from my childhood, upon the yogic views of oneness. It was as if this quest was no different than shopping for a wedding dress or looking for a graduate school. My old ego remained fixed as I sought out ways to clothe it in a new image or find a new title to leave India with. In a rather unceremonious way, the Buddhist concepts of annata and emptiness killed god for me. The inner paradigm shift that occurred due to the death of god, was paradoxically what brought me to god. Or, at least, it allowed for my illusory projection of “the idea of god” to drop so that I might be able to experience __________ (I don't know how to describe it).

Even if there is a god, I feel more likely to encounter it (?), now that I am more open and free from my pre-established notions of what it is. And by "more open and free from" I mean, it is an ever-changing process.